Fun Dead/Transcript

Transcript
(The intro plays as normal, but it's instead written in blood. The eddisode begins with Edd, Matt, and Tom in the living room. Edd and Matt are watching TV while Tom reads a book called "How to Pretend You're Reading". On TV, the first thing they watch briefly is the news, which shows Patryck, Paul, and a silhouetted figure fighting off zombies with guns. They change the channel to a commercial for bacon cola. After that, they change the channel to the news again, this time showing an aerial view of the zombie outbreak. The camera cuts to Edd, who has a bored face.)

Edd: (sighs) Boring. (Edd changes the channel again to show the TARDIS in space, a nod at Doctor Who. He changes the channel yet again to a news reporter.)

News Anchor: Carol, what's your opinion on the zombie apocalypse? (The TV moves to show that Carol is a zombie.)

News Anchor: That's right, Caro-AAAAHHH! (Carol bites the news reporter, knocking him over. Edd gasps, causing everyone to look at him.)

Edd: Did you see that?!

Tom: See what?

Edd: I just changed the channel with my tongue! (Edd changes the channel with his tongue.)

Tom: ...You're an idiot.

Edd: You're an idiot! (A commercial for ASDF Land catches everyone's attention.)

TV: Hey, are you bored?

Edd: Yes.

TV: Well, come on down to ASDF Land!

Edd: Why?

TV: We've got exciting rides!

Edd: So?

TV: Stop interrupting me! (The TV comes into Edd's face, making a watchful hand motion. Edd puts his hands up in surprise.)

Edd: Heh-heh, (whispers) I'm sorry.

TV: So, if you're looking for a fantastic family day out full of fun, friendship, and F-adventure? Then get yourself down to ASDF Land, the best theme park in town! (Edd turns off the TV.)

Edd: Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? (The camera moves to Tom, who is deep in thought about the death of his father.)

Tom (in a flashback): Look out, that bear's got a gun! (The bear shoots Tom's father, leaving Tom on his knees.)

Tom (in a flashback): Father! I will avenge you!! (The camera then moves to Matt, who is also in deep thought. This time, he's thinking about the fact that he was responsible for the death of Tom's father. He drops the milk he was drinking.)

Matt's Mother (in a flashback): Matt, did you give guns to the bears again? (Matt makes an innocent and kind-hearted face.)

Matt's Mother (in a flashback): Oh, I could never stay mad at you! Let's get some ice cream!

Matt (in a flashback): Yay! (End of flashback. Tom is shown leaning very far back in his chair and Matt is motionless.)

Edd: Hey, guys. Guys? (The scene cuts to Edd, Tom, and Matt in their car. Edd closes the car door and turns on the radio. They drive away. This is the beginning of a mini montage. Tom has a map that everyone looks at. They are shown driving past many zombies and blood splatters on the way. They sing in the car (It is also possible that they're lip-syncing, however.). Edd turns off the radio as they arrive. End of mini-montage.)

Edd: Okay, guys, remember we're parked in zone... H. (Edd walks away. Tom closes the door, completely oblivious to the burning car and zombie next to him. He follows Edd. The scene cuts to Edd, Matt, and Tom buying tickets. There is a zombie working, which they don't notice.)

Edd: Three day tickets, please. (The zombie mumbles and puts his hands on the glass.)

Edd: Three day tickets? (Edd looks down at the pin the zombie is wearing, which says "Today is my first day!" Edd is now annoyed.)

Edd: (sighs) Three. Day! Tickets. (The zombie is clueless as to what Edd said. His jaw falls off, which lands on the ticket button, causing many tickets to dispense. Everybody takes one and walks into the park.)

Edd: Thank you! (Cut to everyone looking at a map of the park.)

Edd: Hey, let's go on the roller coaster!

Matt: No, let's play the carnival games! I need more novelty toys.

Tom: Yeeeaahh, Matt's novelty toy collection makes me wanna shoot things. I'm going to the arcade.

Edd: (sighs) Well, I guess we should split up. That way, everyone's happy, and nothing can go wrong. Ever. Not in a miiilion- Oh, they're gone. (Cut to Edd getting in line for the roller coaster.)

Edd: Oooooo! (In each roller coaster car, there is one human and one zombie. The zombies are attacking the humans. They all scream in fear. Edd has no clue of this and keeps a smile on his face. However, his smile quickly fades when he sees the "Estimated Waiting Time" sign say 45 minutes. It goes up by a minute when it includes him.)

Edd: Awww. (In line ahead of him are all humans who run away from zombies. Edd, however, doesn't see this. When everyone runs away, the estimated waiting time drops to 0.)

Edd: Yayyyy! (His running to the roller coaster immediately stops when he sees the line has been chained off. He then makes a pouted face and crosses his shoulders. Suddenly, a man runs over and trips on the chain, causing it to break.) Just before a zombie can hurt him, Edd runs off.)

Edd: Yayyyy! (The man from earlier gets up, only to see the zombie he was running from has caught up. He is then attacked by the zombie. The zombie rips off his leg and chews on it. Cut back to Edd, who is next to a "You must be this tall to ride" sign. He is tall enough for the ride and walks over to it. The man who was attacked crawls to the sign, only to see that he no longer can ride the roller coaster due to the lack of his legs. This makes him sad. The zombie comes back and attacks him yet again, causing him to scream. Edd gets into the roller coaster, ready to go.)

Ride announcer: Please keep arms and legs inside the ride at all times. (The man who was being attacked has now lost his arm. The arm flies over near Edd and falls. Edd notices the arm and puts it in the ride with him, showing no concern. He then goes on the roller coaster and gets a picture. The picture shows him goofily smiling and giving a thumbs up. The arm also gives a thumbs up. The man sees this picture and smiles weakly, prompting the zombie to come back again and attack him. Cut to Tom, who puts a coin in an arcade machine. In the background, Patryck is leaning on an arcade machine, assumed to be dead. However, he is simply unconcious. As Tom plays the game, zombies break down the walls on both of his sides. Tom, however, doesn't even bat an eye. When he sees that his gun isn't working, he then shows concern.)

Tom: Oh no! This arcade gun isn't working. (Zombies surround Tom. He looks at the floor to see a gun that (who is assumed to be Paul) dropped. He pushes the zombies out of his face to grab it. He immediately aims it.)

Tom: Hah! There we go. (Tom then shoots the gun rapidly, killing off the zombies. A little kid watches while eating a lollipop.)

Tom: Ugh, this game blows. All yours, kid. (Tom tosses the gun in the air, causing the little kid to catch it.)

Tom: The graphics sucked. (The zombies come back to life and begin to surround the little kid. He stands there as if nothing's wrong. Cut to Matt, who has lots of plushies in his arms. He is walking around looking at attractions when he discovers a claw machine. Inside the machine is a monkey with symbols. Matt becomes excited by this.)

Matt: A cymbal playing monkey? I need this for my collection! I'll hug him and squeeze him and call him Little Tom! (Matt puts in a coin to win the monkey. The first time he does this, he fails.)

Matt: Hmmm... This is gonna take some brains. (Matt puts in another coin while a zombie approaches him.)

Zombie: Braaaaaiiiins.

Matt: Hey, back off the monkey, buddy. He's mine. (Matt tries again for the monkey while the zombie gets closer. He fails again, causing him to become angry.)

Matt: Unbelievable! It's rigged I tell you, rigged! There's not a man alive who can get that monkey! Nyuh! (The zombie lunges at Matt, but breaks the glass to the claw machine and sticks his head inside. He puts his hand on the lever and the claw moves down on him. Cut to Edd and Matt sitting on a bench. Matt looks quite annoyed while Edd eats cotton candy. A girl screams in the distance.)

Edd: Tom, do you get the feeling that something...strange is happening? (Tom eats some cotton candy. However, most of the cotton candy is a zombie's head filled with cotton candy. Tom doesn't notice this.)

Tom: No.

Matt: Stupid claw machine thinks it's so much better than me. (Tom continues to eat his cotton candy.)

Tom: What's eating you? (The man from earlier is now a zombie. He has one hand on Matt's leg. Matt is oblivious to the fact that he's now a zombie.)

Matt: Get off me! I told you I don't have any spare change!

Edd: Aww, the poor guy looks hungry. Here, you can have this. (Edd hands the zombie his cotton candy, only for the zombie to hit it out of his hands. This catches Edd by surprise.)

Edd: Huh. Who would say no to candy floss? Unless they were... (Cut to a group of zombies approaching them. Mark is also seen in the background, but he is still a human.)

Edd: VAMPIRES! Oh no, wait. ZOMBIES!! (Tom gasps in surprise. His cotton candy starts to mumble.)

Tom: You know, that explains a lot, actually. (The three are now becoming surrounded by zombies. Tom is writing on a paper labeled "Will and Testament". He also sheds a tear.)

Edd: What do we do?!

Matt: Hey, guys! Look what I found! (Matt has found a claw machine that holds guns. He puts in a coin for one.)

Matt: You know when I said I didn't have any spare change? I LIED! (A female zombie is about to bite into Edd's arm when he punches her. He looks at his arm while the female zombie punches back.)

Edd: Ow! (Matt is focused on the claw machine while Tom fends off a zombie.)

Tom: MATT, HURRY UP! (Matt reveals his prize to be the monkey with symbols he wanted earlier. He laughs as it plays the cymbals. Tom grabs the monkey and throws it at the zombies, causing an explosion. Matt begins to tear up at this.)

Matt: NO! LITTLE TOM!!

Edd: Quick, this way! (Edd motions towards the ferris wheel and runs towards it. Tom follows while dragging Matt, who is in tears. Tom finds a booth while Edd and Matt are frightened by a zombie on a phone.)

Tom: In here! (Just as the zombies arrive, their booth rises in the air.)

Edd: Haha! So long, suckers! (Just as everyone is happy of their plan, their booths begins to reach the ground again, making them realize their plan backfired.)

Edd: Oh. (Their booth has now stopped as the zombies swarm them. Edd turns around to see three bumper cars behind the ferris wheel. Everyone jumps for them. A montage then begins of them wiping out zombies. The first idea shows Matt pretending to be a stand worker. He motions the zombie towards a ball game. The zombie throws a ball and knocks all three cans over. Matt rewards the zombie with a big white bear plushie. Under the bear, however, is Edd with a double barrel shotgun. Edd shoots the zombie's head off and smiles innocently. The next idea shows Tom with a hammer and a zombie tied in rope. He hits the zombie in the feet, causing its head to launch to the top. After that, a zombie is shown coming outside of a hole and simply being hit with a hammer. This is actually Edd playing Whack-A-Mole while Matt watches excitedly. Tom then shows Edd many more zombies chasing them, prompting them to run away. End of montage. They are cornered when they reach a locked door.)

Tom: NOOOOOOO! (The three hold each other nervously.)

Matt: We're done for Edd! If I don't make it, I want you to give my novelty toy collection to Tom!

Tom: And if I don't make it either, please burn my new novelty toy collection. (Just as a zombie is about to attack, Edd closes it off with a chain. This makes the zombies stop and wait in a line.)

Tom: Huh. What now?

Edd: Hey, are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? Guys? Guys? (Tom and Matt are deep in thought about the death of Tom's father again. Noises of a bear and a shotgun can be heard. Cut to the next day when the apocalypse is over, where Edd has finished painting a sign. He has now changed the name of the park to "Fun Dead".)

Edd: Ah, much better. (A crowd of people approach.)

Woman: Ooh, this looks fun!

Child: Oh, wow!

Child 2: Amazing!

Father: Haha, wow, that was a very short zombie apocalypse. (Cut to a little girl petting an undead goat while the mother watches affectionately.)

Mother: Awww-AHHH! (The undead goat eats the little girl whole. An undead duck then eats the mother whole. Edd and Tom ride the front of a train happily while Matt sits in the back, also happy. He passes two zombies who have their arms shackled. A mop with an evil face on it approaches in front of Matt, scaring him.)

Matt: AAAAAHH!!! (Many people are then seen complaining about the new changes. Edd and Matt look completely bored in a booth labeled "Complaints." There are multiple seen complaints, some in which say "Where's Tord?" and "Edd's voice sounds different". Tom swivels over to a lever, which opens a trapdoor in front of the people and pushes them into a horde of zombies.)

Matt: Everything worked out in the end, isn't that right, Little Tom? (The monkey with cymbals is now a zombie, and looks into the camera ominously. Just before the credits play, Little Tom plays the cymbals.) (Credits)