Zanta Claws III/Transcript

Transcript
[The Eddisode opens with Edd hanging an ornament on the Christmas tree, then glances at Matt, doing the same, but the thing he is hanging is an ornament that resembles his own head]

Matt: I love Christmas.

Edd: Yeah, me too, I love- [Edd is interrupted by Matt, eating an ornament]

Matt: (DELICIOUS CHRISTMAS!)

Edd: [Scared] '''OKAY, MATT! THAT-''' [he is then yet again interrupted, but this time, it is a gunshot]

Edd: [Sighs] Not again....

[The scene then cuts to a small, electronic Santa, Ho-Ho-Ho-ing until a bullet whizzes right through it's head, causing it to malfunction and explode]

[It then cuts to Tom, on top off Edd's house, drinking alcohol and readying his M107 sniper rifle, but is interrupted by Edd]

Edd: [In front of the door with Matt] Uh, Tom, don't you think it's time to come inside?

Tom: [Drunk] Not yet! There's still a couple of reindeer on this one- [He fires his rifle] OOP! There they go!

Matt: OK, Tom, I think we get the point! This whole 'I hate Christmas' thing is getting old!

Tom: HEY! Ya know what is gettin' old, Matt? YOUR FACE IS GETTING-WHOA! [Tom slips off the roof and as he plummets down, he lands on a reindeer decoration]

Edd: [laughs] Tom's pain is always the best part of Christmas!

Matt: [worried] Is my face really getting old?

Edd: Wait, where'd he go? [Tom's bruised body suddenly vanished]

[It then cuts to Tom, walking into a nearby forest while grumbling to himself]

Tom: [Grumbles] That stupid Christmas, that stupid Edd, and that stupid other thing and this STUPID sled! [He pauses] Wait...

[The camera pans to Zanta, standing by his sleigh, wearing sunglasses]

Zanta: 'SUP?

[Tom overdramatically gasps until the Eddsworld credits role]

[After the credits, it cuts to Tom and Zanta riding in his sleigh through the sky]

Zanta: So, Tom, what did you think of my ride?

Tom: It sucks.

Zanta: Well, perhaps-

Tom: Christmas sucks.

Zanta: Well, how about-

Tom: [Extreme close up, with Tom having angry eyes] YOOOU suck.

Both: ...

Zanta: Well, then, perhaps we can teamup, Tom [The camera zooms up to Zanta's face], and destroy Christmas once and for- [The camera zooms out, revealing Tom is hanging Zanta out of the sleigh by his hat] Oh... Damn.

[The hat starts to come lose, but it still hangs due to Zanta's sticky, now exposed brain until the brain is snapped, causing the now forehead-less Zanta to fall]

Zanta:GAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaahhhhh!!!!

Tom: [Holding now just Zanta's hat, filled with brains] Ugh. [He drops it]

[Zanta falls right in front of Mike as he screams due to his not having a forehead until the hat with his brain and forehead lands perfectly where it should be on Zanta's head]

Mike: Oh, that's better. Wait a second-AHHHHHHHHH!

[It cuts to Edd and Matt in their living room, still decorating the tree, with Matt completely wrapping it with garland]

Edd: Matt, are you SURE that's safe?

Matt: Eh, don't worry about it, it's fireproof! [A random inflamed log suddenly bust through the window, rolling into the tree, inflaming the garland, making the entire tree burn]

[The two go outside to see where the log came from, only to see the entire city being bombed]

Matt: Who could have done this?

[Zanta is standing right beside them, eating Mike's brain]

Both: ZANTA!

Zanta: Sup?

Edd: I KNEW you had to be behind this!

Zanta: No, it's not- [Matt dives on him]

Matt: [Crying] CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE CHRISTMAS ALONE?!

Zanta: Look, I'm CLEARLY not the one doing this!

[Matt and Edd look confused]

Zanta: Because I'm standing right here!

[Both still are confused]

Zanta: IN FRONT OF YOU!

[Still confused]

[Zanta points at the destruction of the city,showing he could not be damaging it if he's not even near it]

Both: OHHHH!

Edd: So, then whoooooooo- [He looks up, seeing Tom bombing the city in the sled] Ah.

Tom: HAHAHAHA! Ooh! BURNING MONTAGE! [A heavy metal rock montage music comes on, with Tom burning a tree and presents with a flamethrower until he sees a pile of wood already on fire, so he extinguishes it and burns the fire extinguisher]

[It then cuts to quiet nice house, completely decorated with Christmas decorations and a family, sitting on the sofa made up of a mother, father, sister and brother with quiet Christmas music playing until Tom bursts in along with the rock music, smashing the house with a hammer, jumping on the tree, throwing the stockings into the fire place, and finally kicking the presents, lighting the garland on fire with a lighter, and kicking the TV until walking out the door, ending the music and letting the family sit there in shock]

[It goes back to Zanta (in Tord's hoodie), Matt, and Edd sitting in Edd's house]

Matt: So what are gonna do about this?

Edd: Well, I guess this is the part where to REAL Santa, [directed to Zanta] no offense, will show up and save the day.

Matt: [Looking through the window] GASP! Here he comes now! [It shows Santa in his sleigh flying through the sky]

Santa: '''HO! HO! H-' [Tom shoots him down'']

[There is a knocking at the door, it then opens, revealing Santa]

Santa: Sup, guys?

Matt: [Sniffs] Sup?

Edd: So, Santa, any ideas to save Christmas this year?

Santa: Uh, festive spirit?

Zanta: Well, it's a good thing ONE of us has connections! [He dials on his cell phone, and cuts to Edd, Matt, Zanta, and Santa standing outside with a hovering helicopter dropping off a large box]

Pilot: [Barely audible due to the loud helicopter] '''HERE YOU GO, ZANTA! CONSIDER MY DEBT... REPAID!'''

Zanta: WHAT?!

Pilot: I sai- I said, CONSIDER MY DEBT-

Zanta: WHAAAAAT?! [The helicopter leaves, but the box opens, revealing a small, pink van]

Edd: A VAN! [They all celebrate and get into the van, but the van transforms into a 20 story tall, armed robot and a caption states BOXMAS BOT]

Matt: [Inside the control room, which is the head, with everyone else] Oh, this is MUCH better!

Santa: Why did we think the van was a good idea?

[The robot starts to walk, then cuts to the family from the house that Tom destroyed]

Dad: SOMEBODY SAVE U- [They are then squished by the robot]

Zanta: [Through robot] TOOOOOOOOOM! [A beat starts to play]

Tom: Evening, everyone, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Edd: Tom, you've gone too far this time, you're DESTROYING Christmas!

Matt: Literally!

Edd: Yeah, literally! What does that mean?

Tom: Can it, Edd! You know what, it's MY turn to enjoy Christmas, you've had your fun!

Tom: [Raps] "I feel evil, haunted, controlled, possessed, everything I'm doing is illegal, I know! Call it a Christmas upheaval, press charges on my alter ego!"

"I do not sing along to your stupid songs. Silent night, take a hike, Jingle bells, go to hell!"

"I'm just like a poisonous snake, overflowed with hate, Make NO mistake, there is NO escape! I will blow up this place, make a mess of your face, and what's left of you, there will be no trace!"

[Tom fires a missile at the Christmas Tree in the town square]

Chorus: "It's a Christmas demolition!"

Backup singer: "Yeah!"

[Edd presses weapon Z, which fires missiles out the Boxmas Bot's chest, though Tom strategically avoids them]

Chorus: "It's a Christmas Demolition!"

Backup singer: "Yeah!"

Matt: "I know you're not a Christmas fanatic, but you're being problematic and slightly dramatic!"

Edd: "You blew up the reindeer! You act like a punk! Every time you get drunk, we put up with this junk!"

Santa: "Word on the street is I'm losing my funk, my cool, my flow, my HOHOHO... though we can't let you steal the show."

[Zanta is fired onto the sled and has a guitar duel with Tom while the chorus plays]

[Tom and Zanta play guitars]

Matt: [Spoken] Hey, uh, everyone, aren't they both bad guys?

Santa: [Spoken] Shoot the suckers.

[A missile is fired at the sleigh]

Zanta: [Spoken] Uh-oh.

[''The sleigh explodes. The scene switches to Edd's House'']

Edd: Well, it looks like Christmas is saved again. Isn't that right, Tom?

[The screen cuts to Tom sitting in a wheelchair in a full-body cast, with the sound of howling wind]

Santa: Y'know, Zanta, I-

Zanta: Oh, I know. I've hated this holiday ever since I died and you took my place.

Edd: Wait, what?

Zanta: Maybe it's time I moved on and got a life.

Santa: You really mean that?

Zanta: Nah, I'm just gonna go back to being dead.

[Zanta makes a hole in the floor and then climbs in]

Zanta: See ya, chumps.

[Zanta then covers up the hole and put a gravestone on top of the hole]

Matt: Is that gonna be there forever now?

Edd: Oh, Matt!

Santa: Ho-Ho-Ho!

[Edd and Santa both begin laughing]

Tom: [Muffled] AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

[Eddisode ends]